Raising a Child
One of the most difficult tasks one can take is that of raising a child. There are so many decisions to be made and the responsibility is phenomenal. Now all decisions that are made are for two. You ask yourself: am I making the right decision or what is the healthiest thing that I can do for my child in this instance? It is also one of the most stressful events especially as the child grows and starts to develop as an individual.
Communication and good listening are the keys to a good family relationship. The number one thing stated by most children having family difficulties is my parents just do not understand me. It even inspired a song by a well-known rapper! What can a parent do to make this process easier on both themselves and the child is the question at hand.
As an infant begins to develop and form a distinct personality, they rely on the parent's for all information and needs. This becomes harder as the child gets older and can, at times, become very frustrating. Children are very inquisitive and do not realize that the world does not revolve around them. Therefore they do not realize that the thousands of questions they ask interfere with the parent's time and, in extreme cases, sanity. This is not to say that a parent should not make time to answer any questions. In fact, perhaps the best thing that a parent can do is set aside time to answer questions. By letting the child know that you will give them the time later and being consistent by actually following through, the parent reinforces a positive relationship that will help through the difficult years. This is after all the time of personality development and by giving the best of attention a parent can effectively mold the child. This can also form a strong bond that can make the fast approaching teenage years more bearable. It is amazing what a child can learn from even a small amount of attention and parental understanding.
Communication is also important during the adolescent years. The most recent statistics lean toward the first alcohol usage occurring at age 13 or earlier. It is never too early to begin raising a drug free, well-adjusted children. Communicating, however, does not mean I talk but they do not listen. Communication is a two-way process that involves listening as well as talking. Because I said so?is not always the solution to every problem that occurs. By giving your full attention to a child even on something trivial it sends the message that you are trying to understand. Sometimes all a child wants is to be talked to and not about. If consistently reinforced, this link can extend far into adulthood and will result in a well-adjusted individual.
As stated earlier, the parents are the child's main link to the world during the most formative years. The infant learns about the world by watching and imitating their parents and relatives. For example, my niece sticks out her tongue at me when I see her because I taught her to do this. This is why it is important for a parent to be consistent every time. Mixed messages make it hard for the child to trust the parent. If the child does not trust the parent then a good relationship is not possible. Parents cannot expect their children to behave in a certain way if the parent is inconsistent in their own behavior. One example is actually in a commercial. The father finds drug paraphernalia in the son's closet and goes in screaming, "Who did you learn this from." The commercial ends with the boy saying "You . . . I learned it from you." This is an excellent if troubling example of inconsistent messages sent from the parent to the child.
Effective discipline is also an issue that stresses many parents. The idea of punishment for wrongdoings seems to be the course of action in society these days. If the child does something wrong then send them to their room, ground them, or take away certain privileges. Communication should come into play here as well. Talk to the child honestly and candidly about the inappropriate behavior. Make sure that they realize why it is wrong and how they should react differently. That finished it is possible for parent and child to come up with a punishment that fit the behavior. To many times you hear children saying "Mom and Dad grounded me for no reason and I think they hate me." By discussing the problem, the child gets the impression that the parent is really concerned and wants to help. This concern goes a long way in helping to form appropriate behaviors in the child. It also allows the child to be part of the punishment process.
Most parents can testify to the fact that children are very good at manipulating the parent into certain responses. As babies, they realize that by crying someone usually picks them up. Parents always talk about the baby not sleeping through the night and having to get up to feed or rock the child. Children realize this and use it to their advantage throughout early life. Here is an example most parents will recognize. A child asks Mom for a certain privilege receiving the response of ask Dad. The child then goes to Dad and tells them that Mom said it was okay if Dad agreed. The message was changed in order for the child to get the privilege even though Mom did not say this. It is important for parents to realize this takes place and through good communication and positive imaging show the child that this will not work. There will be a period of time when the child tests this but through communication it is not a stressful time for the parent. Much of the time it is this maneuvering that causes the most stress on a parent.
Someone told me once that children do not come with instruction manuals, which is very true. Things that work for one child might not work for another. By active listening and communication you and your child can come up with a method that serves well for you.