What is Best for Your Children
Parents that I have spoken to say that the only thing that they want is what's best for their children. Children say that they just wish that the parent would respect their opinions and what they want to do. These two things are very similar in nature but are perhaps the most difficult to bring together. The question that has to be asked is why is what's best for the child and what the child wants always so different?
Miscommunications seem to come very commonplace. The hardest thing, it seems, for a child to understand is the statement "I only want what is best for you." Due to an increased social drive and hormonal changes in the early teens, kids have great difficulty seeing past their own immediate concerns and thoughts. As a result, a child's first reaction is to lash out with the inevitable "How do you know what is best for me?" In the child's mind, a parent is someone to spoil the fun and impose strict rules. Parent seems to mean the same as lawmaker, judge, and jury, which are only a small part of parenting but the focus for most children. No longer does everything in the child's life revolve around the parent as it does earlier in life. This is difficult for both parent and child as roles in the family are changed.
So why can't what is best for the child and what the child wants ever coincide? This question seems to elude even the best of parents. It seems that when a child reaches a certain age they begin to understand the English language a little differently. For example, a parent tells their child to clean their room. The child seems to hear this as you're a slob and an embarrassment. As a result, the child overreacts and in most cases the parent follows until a huge argument begins over a simple request. This is what I like to call the satellite effect. A message is sent but somewhere in between it becomes scrambled and is heard quite differently. Everyone has done this at one point or another but it seems to be many times worse in a child. Part of this is the changes in the body chemistry and a large need for approval. Contrary to what the child says about not wanting the parent to get involved, they are really searching for reassurance and acceptance as to the fact that they are growing up. Contradictions abound in the teenage years. For example, the teen says "No one listens to me" but then when someone actually shows interest the teen says, "I don't know" or "It's none of your business." This is probably the hardest thing for a parent to understand and a common issue for argument between parent and child.
If you were to think about it parenting is really the oldest profession. One would think that over the period of time someone would have come up with a manual of tricks or a how to book at the least! The reason for this lies in the fact that every person is different. I am not saying that there is not good literature available on the subject. The truth is that parenting is not something that you can learn from a book. I don't expect you to read this article and suddenly become "superparent." My purpose is to let you know that your child is not strange or messed up just because of their behavior. The fact that we as adults can function at all is testimony to the fact that childhood is something that passes. Parenting is not so much a science as it is a daily adventure that has downfalls as well as rewards.
The staff at Heartland Human Services would like to take this time to commend parents everywhere and say that you are not alone in the struggle. Parenting is difficult but the rewards outweigh the hardships in the end. Take this opportunity to show your parents what they mean to you, I guarantee that you or they will not be disappointed.