Bullies and Victims: Identifying the Characteristics
By the staff of Heartland Human Services
It is common to think of bullying as “a normal life experience, one that we all go through…it is just what happens at that age.” These common beliefs can be devastating to the victim. It is a way of down-playing the seriousness of these personal attacks and encouraging the victim/s to remain silent. Although the reasons that victims do not tell authority figures such as teachers, parents, and/or police, vary, it is important to bring a few to light:
- As expressed before, down-playing the situation as “normal” leads children to believe that there is nothing an adult could do to help stop the harm.
- The victims may feel embarrassed or ashamed that these things are happening to them.
- Perhaps the victim feels that saying something would be “tattling” or telling on the bully.
- A fear of retaliation may exist, either because they were told to keep quiet or feel they need to.
As we are able to understand the reasons that children do not often express what is happening, it is up to parents, teachers, and other adults to promote awareness and provide a safe environment. Understanding and empathy are crucial in addressing this overwhelming problem, as well as recognizing the prominent signs of both victim and bully.
Thinking back to a time when one was ridiculed, harassed, or made to feel inferior, one can understand the pain and consequences that bullying potentially holds. There are some characteristics, as well as changes in behavior, that can be observed in the victim. Keep in mind that the traits that follow are mere suggestions that a child is in conflict - there may be other possible reasons for changes in behaviors besides bullying. However, it is important to attend to children regularly and keep lines of communication open.
Research has shown that victims portray certain characteristics differing from their usual behaviors:
- Victims tend to become withdrawn or passive. They may retreat to their room after school.
- Frequently children will complain of headaches or stomach aches as an attempt to avoid school.
- Depressed mood, sadness, increased crying, moods shifts, irritability, and low self esteem, are but a few mood problems that may arise.
- Changing to an illogical route to school, recurrent nightmares, lowered school performance and/or learning problems are some behavior problems which can be noticed.
It is no wonder that being bullied potentially effects adulthood in negative ways.
What are some signs to know if your child is a bully?
When thinking of bullies, we generally imagine a youth of large stature with self esteem problems, typically male, making physical attacks and of course, not my child. This image can be seen in television shows and movies as the stereotypical “bully”. In fact kids of all sizes, gender, races, and assault preferences can be a bully. Studies show that males tend to resort to physical assaults while females are more verbal.
Research is mixed about whether bullies have problems with self esteem, but the desire to overpower or be in control has been reliably shown in studies.
- Bullies will tend to have hot tempers and brag about superiority.
- Bullies intimidate siblings or neighborhood kids and use power to get their way.
- Bullies show little signs of anxiety.
- Another hint is when a child comes home with new toys, more money, new clothes, etc. and cannot explain how the items were acquired.
- It is likely that bullies come from an environment where physical abuse or reprimand is prevalent.
As with victims, bullies also tend to be affected in negative ways as they grow older.
If you know of a child that might be a victim or bully, it is important to make sure that everyone remains safe. Tell the school, parent, or health care professional to get help in alleviating distress for all parties.