Bullies and Victims: Working on the Problem
By the staff of Heartland Human Services
Now that there is an understanding of the characteristics of bullies and victims, we look for ways to protect our children. Education and recognition is the beginning to making sure this aggression does not take hold on a child’s life. We will look at ways that all people involved, either directly or indirectly, can make a difference.
Looking first at the people most affected by these conflicts, there are different ways teens and children can cope and resolve these concerns. One of the best responses to children is to tell an adult whom the child trusts. This can be a parent, teacher, counselor, or older friend. Teens, on the other hand, take in these situations differently. Remember physical threats should be reported as many teens have been killed by bullies. Silence allowed the bully to act more aggressively.
- Make sure to stay in well-supervised areas and avoid isolated places.
- Though this may be seen as a coward’s response, a good way to cope with a bully is to ignore them and walk away. This response may bore the perpetrator, hence they stop.
- Bullies tend to look for some kind of response. Changing your response from anger and/or defeat can surprise the bully and takes away their power. Instead take out your anger in a healthy way; i.e. writing, physical exercise, or sport.
- Do not fight. There is no knowing what the bully might do in response and you might end up getting really hurt or in trouble.
- Maintaining confidence in your self is another way to deflect bullying. Holding your head up high and not allowing the ridicule to change the way that you think of yourself blocks the impact of the harassment.
- Talk with another person about what had been going on. Finding true friends is an important aspect. A true friend will offer support and decrease feelings of hurt and isolation. Be honest with your friend to dispel any inaccurate rumors about your character.
As parents and professionals, we need to take these concerns seriously and implement a policy that will deter and potentially eliminate these attacks. Parents may be discouraged due to lack of policy in schools and social events. Teachers may not beware of policies and how to follow through. Barriers may exist in communicating concerns and providing an acceptable resolution to these issues. There are things that can be done.
- Parents and teachers need to put a policy into play that will identify the concerns and provide a method to action. Parents will need to be active in creating this policy as well as making sure that it is followed.
- Schools will need to acknowledge that there is a problem in order to identify what can be done. Professionals in this field will need to be informed of policy changes and their part in the process. There are special trainings that can help with identifying the need, as well as creating and changing policies.
- Parents and schools will need to work together to provide a safer environment for learning. Good communication skills will be needed as both parties work towards a common goal.
- Parents need to be involved and supportive in their child’s life. They need to be able to recognize the signs and understand their child’s school’s policy. Parents must also be willing to stand their ground and make sure the changes are effective. Don’t forget to praise your child for talking with you about what had been going on.
- Work with your children to help them cope with these situations. Teach them skills to increase assertiveness, not aggression, coping skills, and self confidence. School can add presentations to address the skills mentioned above and create a safe place for support from other children and teens.
- Parents and professionals need to keep track of all events that the child or teen reports. This will include dates, names, and what happened.
These are some things to keep in mind as you attack the problems associated with bullying and being bullied. Many more interventions exist and finding the right policy and method for your school and community will help stop these aggressive attacks on our children. Remember, once this problem is identified in your community, something will need to be done to protect these kids and teens. Contact your school to learn more about their policy and make sure that these rules and consequences are being followed.
.