Handling the Holidays
By Linda Warner
Printed in the Effingham Daily News, December 14, 2001
"Holiday blues," as the name implies, tend to be temporary and seasonal, as opposed to depression, which is longer lasting and may require treatment. Problems or emotions repressed during other times of the year often surface during the holidays.
Holidays may bring about feelings of stress, sadness, loneliness and isolation. Seniors, especially may experience these feelings because they are widowed or have lost close friends. As people age there is a greater tendency to be separated from family and suffer from poor health. In addition, older persons may feel guilty for feeling sad which in turn can increase those feelings of sadness. Because it is rare for people to seek help for "holiday blues," it is important to recognize the "blues"so you can battle them to make the season a better one.
The following strategies will help prevent the "holiday blues" from ruining the season:
- Don't isolate yourself. If you can't be with family, invite some close friends over to share the holidays.
- Volunteer your time. Many churches or civic groups would be glad of your help.
- Helping others is a great way to forget your own troubles.
- Don't feel pressured to eat more than usual. Decide ahead of time how much and what foods to eat.
- Try to avoid alcohol. It is a depressant and will intensify the feelings of sadness.
- Get plenty of sleep. Avoid late night parties that interfere with your regular sleep schedule.
- Exercise. If the schedule doesn't allow for your regular exercise to take place then make the activities you are doing be exercise (shopping–walking, housework–bending and stretching). It helps fend off extra pounds making you feel better about yourself.
- Watch your finances. Set a budget for gift-giving and stick to it. Don't feel guilty if you can't afford to buy expensive gifts. It's you they will remember, not the gifts. Try to make it more meaningful, less materialistic.
- Don't deny or hide your feelings of sadness. Very often just being able to share your feelings with someone can help. Spend time organizing photos taken during the holiday. Take time to relive the fun and friendship.
It is important to know that sometimes there is more to "holiday blues" than just the blues. If a loved one has recently died your first holiday without them can be a difficult time. Holidays are traditionally times to gather with family and friends; however, they can also be a painful reminder of someone who is no longer with you. If someone you know is experiencing grief this holiday season here's something you can do to offer them comfort.
Understand grief. Grief is a process. All people are unique in their grieving process, but they usually go through the following stages: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
What can you do to help a friend or loved one through the grief process?
- Be a good listener - Let them talk about what has happened, their feelings about it, or just reminisce about their lives together.
- Provide reassurance - Guilt is a natural feeling in they feel they could have done more. Let them know they did what they could.
- Be available - This is important immediately after the death, during holidays and other special events.
- Be patient - Keep asking them out to take part in activities. In time they will be ready.
- Be understanding - A grieving person may be angry and might take their anger out on you. Understand that they are going through a difficult time and don't hold it against them.
- Keep in touch - Write letters, send cards or flowers, phone or visit them periodically.
It is natural for a person to grieve losses other than death. Some examples are losing a limb, vision, or hearing. Also, a person may grieve the loss or death of a pet who has provided companionship. Understanding the grief process and how to help others can also assist you in getting through the "holiday blues."
It's quite normal to experience a little unhappiness during the holidays. After all, it is an emotional and busy time of year. The key is knowing how to respond to your feelings and having realistic expectations. By following the strategies listed above you can help yourself or someone you love conquer the "holiday blues."
Some helpful internet sites are www.stressdoc.com; www.mayoclinic.com; www.seniorhealth.about.com.
For more information, contact Linda Warner at Heartland Human Services, 217-347-7179. Warner is Senior Outreach coordinator for HHS. This article is based on topics chosen by the Effingham County MHASI Team sponsored by the Senior Outreach Program at Heartland Human Services. The program focuses on people 60 years old and over, their families, and caregivers.